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[LiamCatterson]

Okay so as you all know, me and my fiancee broke up nearly a month ago. I didn't want to post a thread on a non-questioning forum section but now I see a Q&A section is open, I thought why not. I'll let you peasants be the judge. This is long but controversial so prepare to lick your lips...

I'll try and not bore you all about this but last month, before the end of the relationship, my fiancee got into the magic business like expressed interest and was catching the attention of fellow magicians. Specifically older men. She is now in a relationship with one of them and I'll go more into that later, but whilst in our final few weeks, all the time I saw her, it was heavy raining. That should've been a sign lol. Anywho, she was messaging the person she is with now behind my back. Long story short, she was sending these messages where your alert mode on your partner suddenly hits the roof. They went as far as umpalumpa. And when I confronted her about this, she claimed it was a joke...Yet I didn't believe that. There were a few messages that was obviously messed up. Stuff like him jacking off to her semi-naked pics (she sent him them), her enjoying a fully nude pictures of him. I have a few screenshots, so if you want me to post them, I'll do so.

Anywho, she finished me out of the blue one day. No warnings and that. However, on the day she left me when I wanted to talk to her and that, she kept going away every hour, spoke to me and repeat. Until she told me she was leaving me because her excuse was she didn't want me anymore. Now I understood that, but that reason was . Why? I don't get much money, okay and she would basically moan about how I never took her out places but that isn't my fault. 1. The weather at the time was balls, I did say wait until the weather got better and 2. I did suggest to her that we save enough money to go on Holiday or whatever, but no, she didn't listen. Why would common sense prevail. So after we broke up, she basically told BS about me to her friends and that I wanted to kill myself. Did I? No, I am not that stupid and then a few days later, she would try and target my family, saying my sister was a slut to put it short and blocked all of my family in cowardness...

Anyways, a week and a bit later, I find out they are going together because he came all the way from Berkshire to the North East. I know lol. He planned this ever since we were still in a relationship and this is where is puzzles all the pictures together because here's the f'ed up part. He is 43 and she is 20...I know. So when I find out she is going out places because he has loads of money (he's loaded by the way) and that, I am just heartbroken...She would make lies saying that she wasn't finding love for a while and she falls for him. Seriously, my heart fell to pieces, and a few days ago, I contacted her fan page and I basically said if we could settle the dust and let bygones be bygones. She agreed at first but immediately declined and wanted nothing to do with me. She knows how upset I was and it didn't seem to bother her.

I mean, 4 years in a relationship and I really loved her. I wanted a future with her, I wanted kids with her. And one moment, I love her and she 'loves' me and the next second, she just finishes me to practically go for another guy. I assume she finished me so she could not be branded a cheater by her friends because they did plan to have umpalumpa and that by the messages. She did claim that they were a joke but I am sorry, as soon as he says he would have umpalumpa with you, you don't go "Oooooo yeah " you just say NO. I have a fiancee but obviously, she never loved me enough to do that. So yeah, I am devastated and now you all know. There is a load of other stuff I'll post if there are replies, but the thing I wanted was your thoughts about this. She practically cheated on me but finished me for a few reasons. It wasn't to do with love solely so I want you guys to have your opinion, what are your thoughts if you've read that. Like I said, I'll go more in-depth on any comments like I do love her and I have basically been crying for the last 3 weeks because she has betrayed me...It just makes me think how long has she planned to betray me...It's basically unfair also that she bashes me for not taking her out to further places when I don't have a job, I don't have much money and I would, I would if I could but she knows we're paying off for Silverstone and she knows that unless I get a job, I can't do what he did...He is twice my age, I bet if I was 43, I'd take her out places cos I'd have money. But no...I hope the worst for her, I truly do. I hope her life falls from this point on because she has hurt me and I've been breaking down, crying and it's just funny how a lot of people are sticking up for her when nobody has asked for my side of the story, but she got messages from my friends to explain what happened and she never replied. Just my sisters asked why and she gave this bull....Thoughts people, could use someone to talk about this...

[1Lemon]

TL;DR women

Edit: I do have a question. Why does she have a fan page?

[LiamCatterson]

TL;DR women

Edit: I do have a question. Why does she have a fan page?

Because she's a magician and the boyfriend created it so she can become more popular. Lol, she'll only be popular around my area and that is it

[What's Burning?]

That age difference is creepy, like socially dysfunctional creepy IMO. Whatever they've got going on at the moment likely won't be long term though.

[spankyham]

That age difference is creepy. Whatever they've got going on at the moment likely won't be long term though.

I'm twelve years into my relationship and we have a big age difference - all I can say is it's worked well for us.

I do worry about Mrs Spanky finding out about DD though

[LiamCatterson]

It's just so weird that he is the same age as her parents. Like what the hell? He's also been threatening me over Twitter and ever since I found out he sent police on me (Because I was talking about how sad I was over this relationship ending and that, nothing threatening at all) but now he deleted his tweets threatening me and locked his account to hide tweets from me. Lol what a loser, him and her are indeed made for each other if she thinks staying with him is a good idea. Like I said, she could've grown old with me, but she's going to be a widow in her 30s. Ah well.

Still sad, but the onus is on her

[sagi58]

Liam...

Things happen in Life that we don't understand and sometimes, we just don't want to understand.
That may sound like a cliche' (it probably is); but, really... do you want someone in your life that
seems/sounds as shallow as you've described her to be?

I'm sure you had lots of good times together and will keep lots of good memories! I'm also sure a
piece of your heart will always belong to her; but, from what you've said, it would seem that you
put more into this relationship than she did. That or... she changed; but, you didn't.

None of that matters! What matters is that you "mourn" the end of this relationship so that you
can accept it's over. It's not going to be easy; but, it's necessary, if you want to move on.

Wish there was a way to say something that will make you hurt less and fast; but, that all depends
on you, my friend. Not her. Not what she does or what she says.

You and you alone have the power to move on.

[sagi58]

That age difference is creepy, like socially dysfunctional creepy IMO. Whatever they've got going on at the moment likely won't be long term though.

Though that depends on the couple, I have to say from the few people I know, it's not easy.
Then again, any relationship takes work.

Also, a few years ago, I would have agreed with you, immediately; however, today, I'm not so sure.

[sagi58]

It's just so weird that he is the same age as her parents. Like what the hell? He's also been threatening me over Twitter and ever since I found out he sent police on me (Because I was talking about how sad I was over this relationship ending and that, nothing threatening at all) but now he deleted his tweets threatening me and locked his account to hide tweets from me. Lol what a loser, him and her are indeed made for each other if she thinks staying with him is a good idea. Like I said, she could've grown old with me, but she's going to be a widow in her 30s. Ah well.

Still sad, but the onus is on her

Would you consider making a report to the police? I'm sure they have the technology to get those old messages back!

[LiamCatterson]

Yeah, I also forgot to add this. He seems to be rushing this relationship a lot. Barely 2 weeks in the relationship and he was talking about moving to my town (good luck with the amount of hate people will have for you).

Not just that, but it seems like her family see more in him than they did with me. But probably because he is a bad egg because they usually support bad eggs, so yeah :/

He looks freaky...Seriously...But hey, compare me to him and some would say she needs her head sorting lol



@Sagi: Yes because what he is trying to do is get me to kill myself. He said the other day that he was going to come to my house and beat the sh*t out of me lol. Deleted the tweet of course and didn't fulfill his promise...Also said I hacked my fiancee's account when it wasn't even the case lololol she left her account logged in on my tablet and unknown to me at the time, I went on the message section, thinking it was mine. So I got the shots in then when I saw the message was a suspicious one. Don't worry, my family want him dead to put it nicely :/

[sagi58]

WoW! You've had a busy few weeks, my friend!! I think you have to do some serious soul-searching!!

Is she worth the effort it's taking you to post these messages? Is she worthy of your love? Only you
can know what's in your heart; but, be careful not to get caught up in a fantasy. That is, don't try to
convince yourself the problem is that you don't have money, don't convince yourself the problem is
that you didn't take her out. Don't convince yourself her new relationship won't work, don't convince
yourself that you don't have to worry about this guy's threats.

It would seem there were problems between you two that she obviously didn't have the courage or the
confidence to approach you with. If she wasn't sure she wanted to be in a relationshp with you, which
is probably why she thought it was ok to flirt with other guys, she should have been honest with you.
Money has been used as an excuse since the beginning of time and isn't any more acceptable today
than it was hundreds of years ago. If she wanted to be wined and dined, she should have let you know
rather than look for someone else to do it, behind your back.

There is no way to know if her new relationship will work, in the long run. There is no way to know
that he will predecease her. There's no way to know if she'll come running back to you, if something
happens in this relationship. There's also no way to know if he will carry out his threats! At the very
least, you should have a chat with a police officer! Better safe than sorry.

[spankyham]

Relationships can be really tough. And you clearly thought a lot of her and valued your relationship with her.

Your family and then your friends are important to you always, and especially now. The new bf sounds like a real turd, albeit a rich one. But, at the end of the day, if she's made a choice and decision, you need to let go of what's grinding you up. Not letting go will just make you more unhappy.

I have no doubt that it will be hard to find happiness while the wound is still so raw. But "let it go" is probably as good a piece of advice as I could give you.

[geetface9]

Relationships can be really tough. And you clearly thought a lot of her and valued your relationship with her.

Your family and then your friends are important to you always, and especially now. The new bf sounds like a real turd, albeit a rich one. But, at the end of the day, if she's made a choice and decision, you need to let go of what's grinding you up. Not letting go will just make you more unhappy.

I have no doubt that it will be hard to find happiness while the wound is still so raw. But "let it go" is probably as good a piece of advice as I could give you.

^ boom.

I was married at 22 and divorced at 23. I know the pain. The ex-wife and I were together for 3.5 years and between the time I knew there was a problem with our relationship and the time I was summarily told to $#@! off completely for a reason that is still totally unbeknownst to me several years later, it had only been two weeks and she had done absolutely nothing to try to remedy the situation despite my consistent attempts at reconciliation.

Let's not kid anybody, you're probably going to think about her and only her for the next six to twelve months. And that's fine. That's what I did. It's part of the process. Just keep beating that dead horse til it $#@!in stays down and never comes back. Trust us on the forum, you really don't want to be associated with a person who would do that to you, another human being. Just scream and beg and shout and plead in your head til it finally stops one day.

Also, in my experience money counts for quite a lot. When the money in your wallet runs out, so does her love. Real talk. There are a lot of women like that. There are a lot of women who aren't like that, too, so one day you'll hopefully find one who's not about that. If she was 20, I'm guessing you're early to mid 20s yourself? Spend this time building a life for yourself so that you have all the money one day and you can do whatever the $#@! you want. I've got 99 problems and 98 of them are directly related to money. Work that out. Use your hate and your anger to fuel you, because it's not gonna last for long. Use the pain you feel now to build your life the way you want it to be.

You're probably having a lot of sleepless nights. Use all that extra free time to do fun sh1t that you wanna do and build what you wanna build in your life!

As Spankyham said, the best advice is to 'let it go' ...that is very true. However, you probably aren't going to let it go until you're ready to, so don't feel bad for being human and having a ton of really sh1tty emotions all the time and for a long time. Don't let anybody make you feel bad for taking a long time to hurt. Just make sure you aren't missing life around you while you do Trust me, in like two years you'll be talking to some young 19-20 year old going through the same thing you did and you'll know that there really isn't anything anybody can say to make it better and you'll sympathize and then giggle a little bit because you know it's a huge deal but you also know they'll pull through and be tough as $#@! when it's done. You'll figure it out man.

You also will probably wonder when you're going to feel 'ok' again on any regular basis, rather than feeling sh1tty as $#@! all the time. It'll come. And when it does you can let it go and have a great night's sleep without drugs and/or alcohol

[LiamCatterson]

@Sagi: I wouldn't say I'd take her back in a heartbeat because why should I? She left me in tears for three weeks, I cry everyday because I miss having her love me. And that love is replaced by hate and ignorance, with the fact that I was trying my best to let bygones be bygones and she just twisted my mind AGAIN. She was selfish because she wouldn't sacrifice someone that would become repetitive for her for something grand. I am just hoping one day she wakes up and sees what a total idiot she has been and if I do kick the bucket before her, maybe that death would drive her guilt more. Who knows. I know money pays for a lot of stuff and that and she needs to realise that until I get a job, that is going to be an issue but she decides to finish me to be with someone who has already experienced half of his life, who already has a home, who already has loads of money and again, twice her age. It's like an unfair jab to me. She is seriously selfish and the people I feel sorry for are the people who STILL respect her. But I assume she gave some sob story to please them. The problem is, I can't stop feeling about her. I mean, my sleep report last night was the same as any other night. Trying to sleep, eventually did and it was bad dreams about her. And I even posted a video on my YouTube account to show everyone how I really feel about her and yes, it has me crying. Not my intention, but at least it pushes evidence of how I really felt about her. Maybe one day...I just don't know. I want to forget her, I want to get rid of her, but I can't help feel that being my first love and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...It hurts so much. I even said to myself that I hate being alive right now because of this

@Geet and Spank: I know it hurts. Like I said, I am trying my best but like Geet's point, it will not be hard and it may take months to years. Doesn't help the fact I have autism and it jut hurts my head to think if she loved me because I get confused quite easily. I know money is essential for love but to me, it shouldn't be essential when you realise your partner can't get much because he is jobless and he is wanting to spend a nice vacation with you...But she didn't want that, she wanted me to do stuff hard and it's like what am I supposed to do? I just wish the pain would stop...I wish I didn't have to cry every single day and the likelihood is, it will happen today. I just wish I could switch my emotions off but that is not how life works Just wish she would understand who she was and what mistakes she has done. But I can't see it happening because she has illustrated me to be the bad person and the one that should be guilty...I want her back to hug and love me because she was so wonderful with that...But I know that if she did, I wouldn't accept her because of the stunt she pulled. Hurts so much...I just want to know what to do to get rid of these memories instantly because like I said, I want this pain to stop. I just want to get better to be honest. Tomorrow would be 4 weeks since we broke up and 3 years since we got engaged lol...

[What's Burning?]

That age difference is creepy. Whatever they've got going on at the moment likely won't be long term though.

I'm twelve years into my relationship and we have a big age difference - all I can say is it's worked well for us.

I do worry about Mrs Spanky finding out about DD though

Nothing wrong with a big age difference, the creepy factor depends on where the genesis of the big age difference occurs. 40 and 63 isn't a problem. 15 and 38, well you get the point.

In any case Liam, you're doing the right thing, discussing it is a good way to move on from it.